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Recently a friend of mine called me with a dilemma. She was asked on a date. Usually this wouldn’t be a problem, but this time it was different because she just wasn’t attracted to this guy. But she hesitated. Why? Because just prior to that she had gone to lunch with her friend and her friends mother, and the mother said “now girls if a Christian guy asks you out on a date, and you may not like him, don’t say no immediately, go on at least one date with him. He may surprise you”. Of course I’m paraphrasing but the gist of it was give your fellow brother in Christ a shout out and throw him a bone. Go on that pity date.

Here is what I think of that idea. It’s dumb. Just because we have been redeemed by our Savior does not mean that we as Christians owe it to one another to go out on a date. Is there some unspoken rule about this that no one told me about? Let me lay down my argument against this practice.

As a guy this causes some big problems for me, because as far as I know the prospective girl I asked out thinks I’m a pretty awesome guy. WRONG. She really doesn’t. With that in mind now when I ask a girl out I have to wonder, “Does she actually impressed by my ability to twitch my ear or is she just being nice?” I mean guys as a whole are confused enough as is, I just beg you to not throw another curve ball into the mix. Please, really I think I may cry over this….in the manliest of ways while chopping down a tree, and digging a ditch, and skinning the deer I caught with my bare hands, all at the same time of course (Jake B. I’m sure you’ve done all that without crying…and naked, you man you).

  1. Really think about this, what is going to be more beneficial in the end? Let the guy think he has a shot when he really doesn’t or being straight up honest with him? As I type this I just got a text message from a friend asking how girls can keep from leading guys on: Don’t go on pity dates. Sure there could possibly be that fairy tale where a girl decides to be nice and goes out with a guy and blah blah blah he turned out to be the most amazing guy ever, but I haven’t seen that happen yet. Maybe it has, I hope so, but I’m not betting the farm on it.
  2. Okay, lets break this down even further. As Christians, heck even non-Christians, we are told there should be standards and qualities we should have for when we date. The theory of the pity date pretty well throws that all out the window.
  3. The pity date can also run the chance of ruining a friendship. Nothing like the tongue-tied hug “hey how are you? (crap don’t look in her eyes she may think your clingy)” to just put the icing on the cake.

Those are just a few quick reasons to not encourage the pity date. There are plenty more. I hope there are successful outcomes from pity dates, and if you know of one please let me know, but can’t say that I have ever seen it.